If a Trashy Reality Show Can Get Pronouns Right, So Can You

Loren and Faith, one of the most recent 90 Day Fiancé couples featuring a person who is transgender.

As Cindy mentioned in her most recent blog post, there is a slew of policies and politicians currently targeting and weaponizing transgender folks. To combat that, we are in the business of validating, uplifting, and educating others about transgender lives and voices. We thought it was important to point our community to media that accurately represents transgender people. It can be powerful to see television shows or movies that use correct pronouns, portray trans characters with depth, and feature trans actors.

Why Representation Matters

Representation is more than just “being seen”—it’s about how someone is seen. For transgender folks, meaningful representation can be the difference between feeling invisible and feeling empowered. When the media consistently uses correct pronouns and centers authentic trans experiences, it helps normalize trans existence and shows audiences what allyship can look like in practice.

Trashy Reality Shows?

As a teacher, when I get home at the end of the day, my goal is to do whatever I can to relax and shut my brain off for a while. One of my favorite ways to do this is to veg out with a trashy reality show. This is a safe space, okay? No judgment here. One of my wife and my favorites is 90 Day Fiancé (all of them—every version—we’ve seen it).

If you’ve never had the privilege of watching this wholesome show, the premise is that people from different countries meet—usually through social media or a dating site—and the show follows them as they meet in person and test out their relationships while navigating travel, culture shock, and more. It is as chaotic as one can imagine, and the cast is always full of interesting characters. That’s the fun of it—laughing at the crazy, ridiculous, sometimes downright absurd situations people get themselves into and the drama they create in their relationships that have only ever been long-distance.

So How Are They Doing It Right?

In all the humor and drama of the show, one thing that rarely happens is people being disrespected because of their race, gender identity, sexual orientation, or disability. Sure, some cast members don’t get it right 100% of the time. And yes, there may be moments where the show could be accused of tokenism. But overall, 90 Day Fiancé doesn’t allow transgender people on the show to be disrespected simply for being transgender.

At the end of every season, the couples and individuals gather to weigh in on each other’s relationships in a “tell all.” It is messy—like, so messy. People are brutally honest and often disrespectful about each other’s relationships and choices. No one holds back their opinions and that’s what makes it fun to watch.

But one thing the producers never seem to allow is disrespect when it comes to pronouns and gender identities. Don’t get me wrong—they are disrespectful in many other ways (the drama is the point, after all). But even with all the different backgrounds, religions, and worldviews represented, no one crosses that line.

Take a Hint from the Reality Show

This is how we should approach life. Maybe with a little less drama than a 90 Day Fiancé episode—but with as much respect for each other’s pronouns and identities. We can disagree, we can argue, but what we can’t have is transphobia. Refusing to accept and correctly use someone’s name or pronouns erases their identity and perpetuates stigma. Respect isn’t just about visibility—it’s about depth, truth, and care.

When the media respects trans people by getting the details right, it helps make the world a safer, kinder place for everyone.